Bane Of My Life

A Question of Character

2007-01-10T14:06:00.000Z

Being a fan of the Firefly 'verse, I stumbled accross this quiz...thought I would share the results!

Your results:
You are Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)

Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)		70%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)		70%
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)		65%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)		60%
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)		45%
Wash (Ship Pilot)		45%
Alliance		35%
Inara Serra (Companion)		25%
River (Stowaway)		20%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)		15%
A Reaver (Cannibal)		5%

Honest and a defender of the innocent.
You sometimes make mistakes in judgment
but you are generally good and
would protect your crew from harm.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character am I?" quiz...

Can you speak Droid?

2006-12-08T13:54:00.000Z

Here's something I picked up from a blog on the official Star Wars site. It's a guesstimated translation of what R2D2 actually says, instead of just the meaningless bleeping. Enjoy...

Int: Rebel Blockade Runner.

C-3PO: Did you hear that?
R2-D2: No mate I didn't. A piece of metal the size of 2 football stadiums just caught us and docked, why would I hear that?
C-3PO: They've shut down the main reactor, we'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness.
R2-D2: Actually, the term madness refers to having a disordered mind, so you speak for yourself.
C-3PO: We're doomed.
R2-D2: Take it easy, its not like we have any stolen plans in our memory banks or anything.
C-3PO: There'll be no escape for the princess this time.
R2-D2: Just like her mother remember? Oh no, you wouldn't.

Int: Rebel Blockade Runner. C-3PO is looking for his counterpart. Princess Leia is fiddling with R2's slot.

R2-D2: That's your message? Call that a mission? The guy must be in his 60s now, he'll be no help at all.
C-3PO: Artoo Deetoo where are you?
R2-D2: Hey you know, it doesn't have to be this way. Why don't we jump in an escape pod together. I could show you what other uses my appendages have.
Leia departs.
C-3PO: At last, where have you been?
R2-D2: Dude, I was trying to make out with the princess. Great timing!
C-3PO: They're heading in this direction, what are we going to do? We'll be sent to the Spice Mines of Kessel or smashed into who knows what.
R2-D2: I'm outta here. Quit whining and follow me.
C-3PO: Wait a minute, where are you going?
R2-D2: For a leak, whaddya think?

Minutes later...

R2-D2: These things are never droid friendly.
C-3PO: Hey, you're not permitted in there, it's restricted. You'll be deactivated for sure.
R2-D2: Hey is your name Marvin? Stop being such a paranoid android and get in, ya dumb mofo.
C-3PO: Don't you call me a mindless philospher you overweight glob of grease. Now come on, before someone sees you.
R2-D2: Talk to the appendage, Threeps. I'm going sandy side. Its all part of my plans to get the princess in the missionary position, but keep it secret.
C-3PO: Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm not going in there.
R2-D2: Suit yourself, she may be up for a threesome though.
C-3PO: I'm going to regret this.

Ext: Tatooine.

R2-D2: There's never a steering wheel on those things.
C-3PO: How did we get into this mess? I really don't know how. We seem to be made to suffer, it's our lot in life.
R2-D2: Suffer? Do you not think all those years of peeking at her, and her mom for all those years without being able to touch is THE definition of suffering?
C-3PO: I've got to rest before I fall apart, my joints are almost frozen.
R2-D2: Frozen? In this place? Have you been on the mushrooms again?
C-3PO: What a desolate place this is.
R2-D2: Right, I reckon it's this way.
C-3PO: Where do you think you're going?
R2-D2: Dude, there aint no yellow brick road leading the way, so we're going this-a-way.
C-3PO: Well I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky. This way is much easier.
R2-D2: Maybe so, but no one lives that way buddy.
C-3PO: What makes you think there are settlements over there?
R2-D2: Just a hunch like, but my sensors are picking up buildings and stuff.
C-3PO: Don't get technical with me.
R2-D2: Well I'm going anyway, see if I care if you go missing.
C-3PO: What mission, what are you talking about?
R2-D2: Have you had another memory wipe, I just told you 10 minutes ago - I'm planning on getting jiggy with the dame in white.
C-3PO: I've just about had enough of you. Go that way. You'll be malfunctioning within a day you misguided scrap pile. And don't let me catch you following me, begging for help, because you won't get it.
R2-D2: Threepio, buddy. Last chance man, I'm sure she's up for it. COME ON MAN!
C-3PO: No more adventures, I'm not going that way.
R2-D2: Whatever.

Int: Jawa Sandcrawler.

C-3PO: We've stopped. Wake up. Wake up!
R2-D2: Whaaaa?
C-3PO: We're doomed.
R2-D2: Oh man, ya interrupted an awesome dream...
C-3PO: Do you think they'll melt us down?
R2-D2: No, but I might if you interrupt my dream about that MILF from Naboo again.
Jawa: Utini!
Jawa: Does my bum look big in this?
C-3PO: Don't shoot, don't shoot. Will this never end?
R2-D2: Will your whining never end, more like.

Ext: Lars homestead.

Luke: Well come on Red let's go.
R5-D4: Better luck next time pal.
R2-D2: Good luck, PAL. You know he's called Golden Rod don't you? I think you can work out why - and its not because he likes female droids...if you catch my meaning.
Jawa: Hey, Metal Mickey, stop talking trash.
R2-D2: Ow, you little punk.
R5-D4: I think I'll chance it with the jawas....ooops, that should do it.
Luke: Uncle Owen?
Owen: Yeah?
Luke: This artoo unit has a bad motivator, look.
Owen: Hey what are you trying to push on us?
Jawa: Geez I'm sorry man, he was fine earlier.
R2-D2: Threepio! Quick - tell blondie about my real fargin' prime condition or something.
C-3PO: Excuse me Sir, but that R2 unit is in prime condition. A real bargain.
Luke: Uncle Owen?
Owen: Yeah?
Luke: What about that one?
Owen: What about that blue one? We'll take that one.
R2-D2: Result!
C-3PO: I'm quite sure you'll be pleased with that one Sir, he really is in first class condition, I've worked with him before. Here he comes.
R2-D2: It's Miller Time!
Luke. Ok, lets go.
C-3PO: Now don't you forget this. Why I should stick my neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity.
R2-D2: Stop busting my balls.

Ext: Mos Eisley.

Stormtrooper. The door's locked. Move onto the next one.
R2-D2: Thank Christ they've run out of clones, those bad boys would have had this open in seconds.
C-3PO: I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you.
R2-D2: Oh that's nice isn't it?
C-3PO: I don't know what this trouble is all about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.
R2-D2: Ah Threepio, É sempre il mio difetto.
C-3PO: You watch your language.
R2-D2: Kiss my metal butt.

Int: Death Star. R2 is plugged into another computer terminal.

R2-D2: This computer chick here says no one's apprehended the farmboy and gang yet.
C-3PO: Thank goodness they haven't found them. Where could they be?
R2-D2: Hello? McFly? Are you aware there's an invention called the comlink? You could use it you know.
C-3PO: Use the comlink? Oh my, I forgot. I turned it off. Are you there Sir?
Luke: Threepio?!
C-3PO: We've had some problems...
Luke: Will you shut up and listen to me...shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level will ya? Do you copy? Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level... Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level...
C-3PO: No! Shut them all down, hurry.
R2-D2: Listen lover, if you do this thing for me I'll show you how grateful I can be. What? No way! What, d'yer think I'm Correlian or something? If you shut down the mashers, I'll be yours all night baby, I promise...

Int: Yavin IV Computer Room.

R2-D2: That's right son, I'm holding the merchandise. That makes me the daddy. Be careful now...don't press that erase key or you'll be in a world of pain.

RealLee?

2006-12-07T21:56:00.000Z

Here's a question I saw posted up on IMDb a few weeks back...

"Is Jason Lee related to Stan Lee?"

Well duh. Maybe they think he's related to Bruce Lee as well. Or Dave Lee Travis. Or...well, you kinda get the point.

Ghost Rider

2006-11-03T11:30:00.000Z

This HAS to be the film of 2007 for me, check out this trailer - its awesome.

Its directed by Mark Steven Johnson, the guy who gave us the Daredevil movie, and its out early next year. I'm so there. Spidey 3 has a lot of competition...

Lost is Moore

2006-10-14T16:59:00.000Z

On Thursday evening, Rhub and I braved Network South East and dragged ourselves to London. There we spent a pleasant evening listening to Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie talk about their latest project "Lost Girls", the contents of which I shan't discuss here, but there's plenty of sites where you can look it up if you try hard enough.
Alan, for those of you who are unfamiliar with his works, is the author of 'Watchmen', 'From Hell', lots of 'Captain Britain', 'V for Vendetta' and my personal favourite 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'. Following said discussion came the book signing. This was the pinnacle of the evening for us as Rhub and I fulfilled a lifetime ambition and actually got to meet the comic book God himself. We stood there in quiet awe of his beardy-weirdyness, and marvelled over his large collection of strange silver finger jewellery. He happily signed my copy of 'V for Vendetta' and my volume 2 hardback copy of 'League', then answered my question about when we could expect to see 'Black Dossier', which he confirmed would be at the end of the year. This was indeed good news, but he wasn't finished with that and added that he had just finished writing volume 3 of 'League', and had just sent it to Kevin O'Neill to illustrate. I was going to yell "Yippee!!", but I thought it would be a very uncool thing to do in front of Alan Moore. So, we both left considerably more chuffed than when we arrived.

I would just like to end this post with this little thought - "I met Alan Moore...ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"

The best crossover...ever!

2006-10-11T13:19:00.000Z

What do you get if you cross Kevin Smith's first (and best) movie 'Clerks' with Star Wars?

You get 'Trooper Clerks'

Apparantly Kevin loved it...

On the Run - Part 2

2006-10-09T22:12:00.000Z

I apologise for the lateness of this post. I've been meaning to get around to it, but I've have had a mountain of work and so I haven't had a chance to get around to finishing this. But, rejoice dear reader, here comes part 2.

And so I rejoined the M25. Just me and a couple of thousand other Smart cars. Like any day on the M25, there was a fair amount of traffic about. in fact on the other side of the carriageway there was a large traffic jam. So, I was pretty pleased that I was travelling in the opposite direction. Although the M25 can never really be said to be entertaining, this was probably the most enjoyable part of the journey as the occupants of every 'other' car that we passed on the motorway had a "What the...?" expression on their face. I do accept that Smart cars are somewhat of a rarity, so seeing hundreds of them at once must have come as quite a shock to them. The M25 lead us to the M23, and straight past Gatwick airport with its large low-flying aircraft overhead.
My next stop was at Pease Pottage services, where several of us pulled in for a quick cuppa. But, it seemed that we weren't the only ones who had the same idea. Already there, apart from several other Smart cars who couldn't be arsed to drive to Brooklands, and so decided to join us there instead, were a large number of bikers with noisy shiny silver Harley-Davidson motorbikes. We politely ignored them, and they obliged in ignoring us in return. Clearly Harley-Davidson's and Smart cars don't mix. Clutching our bleeding eardrums, we retreated to the café, where the helpful staff relieved us of large amounts of tender in exchange for three-quarters of a cup of boiling water, and a teabag. My old friend and I sat and sipped for a while, steadfastly determined to the most out of our purchases. But time was ticking by, and Brighton beckoned. So we headed back to the car park. Outside I stopped to chat with some more people who had just arrived. My friend decided she had to leave as her 12 year old was getting impatient. So off they went, leaving me to gas a bit more. Eventually someone announced that they needed the loo, and the group broke company. I hurried back to my car to rejoin the A23 for the final part of my epic journey.

To be concluded...

The Breakfast Club - Where are they now?

2006-09-30T17:20:00.000Z

I was feeling a little nostalgic last night so I slapped my copy of 'The Breakfast Club' into my DVD player. Set in 1984, it tells the tale of a bunch of 5 kids stuck in detention on a Saturday. A brain, an athlete, a princess, a thief and a basket case. They think have little or nothing in common with each other, but by the end of the film, they all discover that they have more in common than they thought. Classic John Hughes.
Though as I sat and watched I started wondering where the hell they all went. So, armed only with my browser pointed at IMDb, I set out to discover their fates.

Lets start with an easy one:
Emilo Estevez
(Andrew 'Andy' Clark):
Currently finishing 'Bobby', the story of the assassination of U.S. Senator Robert F Kennedy. He is writer, director and also stars. The boy did good...

Anthony Michael Hall
(Brian Ralph Johnson, and John Hughes veteran):
Stars in 'The Dead Zone' and a film called 'Aftermath', out next year with Chris Penn...who's dead. Also played Bill Gates in a TV movie. Didn't know that did ya?

Judd Nelson
(John Bender):
Dodgy character name unless your a kleptomaniac robot from the year 3000. Starred as a hick Sheriff in 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' (as Neath and Rhub will know). Will be back on your screens in 2007 in the catchy titled 'Netherbeast Incorporated'. Can't wait for that one.

Molly Ringwald
(Claire Standish):
The last film I saw her in was 'Not Another Teen Movie', where she was sending up her 80's teen image, by playing an air stewardess and giving today's teens love advice. Other than that, she's firmly stuck in TV movie hell. See her latest project - 'Molly: An American Girl on the Home Front'. "Or don't" is my advice.

Ally Sheedy
(Allison Reynolds):
Almost got famous again by starring in 'Short Circuit' and the awful sequel, but then disappeared again onto US TV. But you'll be able to see her again in 'Day Zero' with everyone's favourite hobbit Elijah Wood.

Paul Gleason
(Principal Richard Vernon):
Died earlier this year, but has still found the time to be in a film out next year called 'The Book of Caleb'.

On the Run - Part 1

2006-09-29T12:49:00.000Z

Here it was, yes the day had finally arrived, the day of the annual 'SmartClub London to Brighton Run'. A day where a couple of thousand Smart-lovin' maniacs could gather in one place to discuss all things Smart related. I did the run last year, and there was no way I was missing this years gathering. I even put seeing Clerks II aside to attend this event, that is how much I wanted to go. This is my tale...

It's 6.30am on Sunday morning, and I am climbing into my trusty Smart. I had spent nearly three hours on Friday evening cleaning and polishing it in readiness for today, and of course, its raining. But unwavered by the weather I drive to Bluewater where I am meeting some other members from the SmartClub website. I arrive just before 7am, and everyone has got there before me. I park and go to meet them. I walk up to the group and say a cheery 'Good morning'. It didn't take too long for me to notice that I already knew one of the people standing there from some years ago, and we spend a few minutes catching up before we all decide to leave for our next meeting point.
The group of 15 or so Smarts leave Bluewater behind, and join the M25. It decides to rain some more on the way to Clackett Lane services. Then a bit more, and then a lot more before it finally stops again. We pull into the carpark, where there is another gathering of ForTwo's, ForFour's and Roadster's from Essex. We get out of our vehicles, say our 'Hello's and "ooo' and 'aaah' over various cars sitting there until we all leave for Brooklands circuit, which this year is doubling for the startline.
After getting a bit lost, and a slight detour we drive into Brooklands at 8.30am. It looks a bit like a wasteland with just a big shiny silver Mercedes building and a bendy track in front of it. The end of the track is where 70 or 80 cars have already gathered. So ignoring the "Its 15mph on the circuit mate", I sped off down the track at a jaunty 30mph...ish to join the back of the queue. This was to be my home for the next couple of hours while we waited for more attendees to arrive.

We stood, chatted, admired and generally socialised until our numbers had swelled and the aerial view (taken from one members remote control helicopter) looked rather like this. (I'm parked in the middle of the first bend)

Still more cars arrived and filled the remaining tarmac, but the time to leave was almost upon us. At the sound of the foghorn, we all climbed back into our cars and slowly we all filed out of Brooklands and back to the motorway for our drive to Brighton racecourse.

More to come...stay posted!

Eight Legged Freak

2006-09-25T12:53:00.000Z

I was standing at the kitchen sink the other night, I glanced up to look out of the window and this is what I saw...

The Sum of Afflecks Fears

2006-09-13T08:23:00.000Z

I have been indulging in a spot of online DVD rental. This has happened for two reasons: First, because it stops me buying so many of the damn things, and secondly so I can catch up on all the TV series and movies I have missed.
A few nights ago my father and I sat and watched 'The Sum of All Fears', another Jack Ryan movie based on the novels by Tom Clancy. The other 3 movies were entertaining (The Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger), but something bothered me about the latest offering. I realised that where 'October' starred Alec Baldwin as Ryan and then "Games' and 'Danger' were total Harrison Ford vehicles, 'Fears' starred Ben Affleck, and this was what was niggiling me.
As I sat and watched Affleck save America from certain nuclear war with the Russians, the same thought kept repeating in my brain. Over and over and over. It was a couple of lines uttered by Security Guards on the Miramax lot in 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' (directed by the one and only Kevin Smith, to who Affleck owes his whole damn career).

It goes like this:
SECURITY GUARD: Echo Base, I've got a ten-o-seven here: two unauthorizeds on the lot. Request back-up.
VOICE (from walkie-talkie): I thought that was a ten-eighty-two.
SECURITY GUARD: No, sir--a ten-eight-two is the code for vanishing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer.
VOICE (from walkie-talkie): Oh, that Affleck!
The Ben a few scenes later exclaiming that "I wasn't with any hookers today...Haha!"

Maybe I should have watched 'Fears' before 'JASBSB', because it really took the edge off what to other people was a perfectly good action/thriller.

But as a postscript to this post because I don't want you all to think that I'm completely 'anti-Affleck' I have to admit that he played Matt Murdock/Daredevil brilliantly, and was the bomb in Phantoms. yo.

How did they know?

2006-09-11T08:19:00.000Z

I was flicking through the internet this morning, and I clicked on 'Yahoo Horoscopes', which are always worth a laugh. This is what it said about me today:

"You could be in a creative frame of mind today, redrawn. You have always had an artist living inside of you. Today he could beg for a chance to come out! Maybe you will be able to use your imagination on a specific project. You might do some desktop publishing, using your ideas while designing graphics or text. Or maybe you will decide to do some writing that shows your clever side. You could share some funny emails with friends."

How did they know I was a designer and I would be using desktop publishing today? Thats just spooky.

(Yes, I'm being sarcastic)

Chad Vader

2006-09-07T13:18:00.000Z

Ok, so its not a rant, but its damned funny...

Shiny Jewel

2006-08-25T13:20:00.000Z

Following my rant about Jewel Staite being a Wraith in Stargate Atlantis earlier, here's a picture of her as she's meant to look like, well, as she did in Firefly anyway!

The Benefits of Living in the Middle East

2006-08-25T13:10:00.000Z

For all you Kevin Smith fans here in the UK, there is now a release date for Clerks II. September 22nd 2006. Yes, we're finally getting Clerks II. Two months after the release in the USA, and one month after it comes out in Israel. Thats right, Israel. I expect that movies with lots of swearing, knob and fart jokes and general rudeness goes down very well in Israel, so I can see why they would get it before us.

Note to Neath and Rhub: Can't go and see on the 24th as I'm off on the Smart London to Brighton run. (Post about that to come later!)

iPod...do you?

2006-08-20T19:13:00.000Z

A dream of mine has finally been realised. No, not the one about me sleeping with two gorgeous naked women at the same time...the other one. I have splashed out and bought myself an iPod. Yes I am now a happy man and the proud owner of a 2gig iPod Nano. Of course I had to puchase the iPod, being a loyal Mac user and a fan of all things Apple, there really was no other choice. I had a brief moment of horror, as the box stated that it was only compatable with MacOS 10.3.4, whereas I run 10.2.8, but I plugged it in anyway and my aged Macintosh seems happy enough to run it. So I stopped panicking and went about filling it with my favourite albums.
The next step was to buy the appropriate lead from Mercedes, so I can connect it to my car stereo. This I did, and two attempts and some with some slightly damaged heater control surrounds later, I acheived it. This now effectively means that I don't have to carry around a bunch of CDs in the car, which some theiving little s**t will probably want to make off with again. Now I just plug in the MP3, and take it out again when I get out the car. I love technology.

Shiny.

Blue Sun?

2006-08-17T19:24:00.000Z

I am an illustrator by trade, as some of you may know. This mostly consists of creating informative little diagrams for school science books. As a matter of professional pride I do try to get it right first time, but occasionally some slip through. It may be a spelling mistake or a part of the diagram I have had to guess about because the authors brief was sketchy, incomplete or just plain unreadable.
I received a batch of corrections today for a particularly unremarkable science title. Among these was a 'water cycle' illustration I had drawn a few weeks back. This for those of you who are unfamiliar with said 'cycle' is the process of water being evaporated from the sea, forming clouds, then raining it all back onto the land and finally dripping its way back into the ocean again.
The marked up corrections were a change of wording, and the addition of the Sun at the top above the ocean. Now the author had taken it upon themselves to give me an additional piece of information regarding putting the Sun in the sky. It was written in capital letters and had a ring around it for good measure...

It simply said 'YELLOW'

Give that person the prize for stating the BLOODY OBVIOUS!

Video Nasties

2006-08-11T22:15:00.000Z

I had a very strange occurance happen to me this evening. I foolishly sat down to watch disc one of the first season of 'Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict', which, now I have watched it I can voice my opinion. It had a weak storyline, was badly acted and had rubbish effects. C'mon, I mean they cancelled top Sci-fi like Firefly and Farscape, but left E:FC on the air for 5 miserable years? What is the world coming to?

But I digress, back to the story... I sat through the tedious first two episodes and I was contemplating whether I should watch anymore tonight. I looked up at the clock and noticed that the time was rapidly approaching 11pm. So, decision made I reached for the remote and hit 'eject'. The tray ejected, but no disc. It surpised me so much I had to look twice. I stabbed the button again and again, but the damn disc would not appear.

I realised that maybe the DVD player was trying to tell me that the disc was evil, and was clinging on to life in my player like a demon in a small child. I had no choice, I reached for my holy philips screwdriver and started unscrewing the lid.

(small pause while I remove 15 billion screws)

I pulled back the casing, and there it was in all its hellish glory. I tried to pull it out, but it would not succumb to my efforts. I knew at this point that I had to outwit it. I placed the lid back on and plugged the player back in. I once more ejected an empty tray, but before it could react I swiftly yanked out the power lead, opened the lid and ripped the disc from inside as it had nothing to cling onto now.

The disc is now safely back in its prison-like envelope and will be returned to screenselect with a warning to any unfortunate souls who may attempt to release it once more.

And yes, I did put all the 15 million screws back again.

Bereavement

2006-08-07T19:10:00.000Z

It is my sad duty to inform you, my faithful readers, that I am entering an official period of mourning. Yes, I am suffering from a major loss in my life. The man from the leasing company has come and taken away my sports car.
It was taken from me this evening. I stood somberly watching it being driven out of my life. As it reached the end of my road I felt the tears well up inside me. But, being brave, and not wanting to appear too girlie, I fought back the sobs and went inside.

I was talking to a female friend about the scenario of what I was going to have to go through when I had to be separated from the car that I love so much. I explained that the car being taken away from me was like her having to give her only child up for adoption. She raised her eyebrow at my analogy, and stated that I was being stupid as it was "only a car". She also pointed out that I was much too obsessive about it, and I really should get a life.

Women...what do they know? They just don't understand me. But what else is new?

Quote me confused

2006-07-25T20:27:00.000Z

Its that time of year again, yes thats right...car insurance renewal time. I really don't understand car insurance quotes, because the figures appear to be completely arbitrary.

Okay, here's my example (pay attention car owners everywhere). I am changing my vehicle, so I had to actually call my insurance company to renew my policy. I spoke to the nice lady in Cardiff (and not Bombay as previously expected) and after taking all my details, she quoted me £420. Fortunately I had the forethought to get a quote online beforehand, which was £370. I simply told them this and they matched the figure. Sorted.

Ahhh, but now the plot thickens...With the new car I am entitled to 7 days free insurance through the manufacturer. So I applied for it and gave the same details as I had told my insurance company. They of course, wanting to flog their services to me, gave me a no obligation quote and came up with a price of £601 for exactly the same vehicle.

£370, £420 and £601... where are they getting these figures from? They all claim that they use the same system to calculate how much its going to be, and they share all the same information. So how did they end up with a difference of over £230 for essentially the policy which we all know they will have no intention of paying out on if you ever need to claim on if you have an accident.
I'm pretty much convinced that the computer just generates a random figure, and says "yes, that will do". The wonders of modern technology..

No more

2006-07-13T17:55:00.000Z

This will only be a short post, as its not very cheery. Once again my heart has been ripped from behind my ribcage and squished underfoot.

Communication with my ex-wife has broken down, yet again. This is not of my choosing. I simply asked how my children were, and was informed that they were fine but don't want to see me. I was then asked to stay out of their lives.

What prompted this? I have no idea, but staying away is exactly what I am going to do. I really can't take any more of this emotional upheaval. Its not fair on me or my kids. I don't want to stay away, but I have no choice now.

I just wanted to be a Dad, is that so much to ask?

Short notice wishes

2006-07-05T20:30:00.000Z

At the risk of sounding like a bad Disney movie - sometimes wishes do come true. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you will know that I got to see my son last weekend. A very good day all round, and I stated so in my post. But I also finished it with the thought that I would dearly love to see my daughter too, and I hoped that it wouldn't be another three years before that happened.

Well, I am pleased to report that at 8.30am on Saturday morning my slumber was disturbed by a text message from my ex-wife asking me if I could have my son again today, and my daughter said she would like to come too. Of course I said it wasn't a problem, although I was tempted to complain about the lack of notice, but I decided that keeping my mouth shut was probably the wisest course of action.

I have been informed that my little girl hasn't wanted to see me, because she was 'terrified' of me. This comment has raised eyebrows from all that know me, as 'terrifying' is not really a word that can be used to describe me. However, she spent the entire day with me, and was happy as a clam. In fact she seemed to be very pleased to be with me again. Almost like we had never been apart.

My wish now is to feature a little more prominently in their lives. They're great kids and they deserve to be with their Dad too. Stay tuned for updates...

A good weekend

2006-06-26T20:02:00.000Z

But aside from the Atlantis incident, its not all bad news. Anyone who knows me will know that I have two wonderful children who I don't get to see, and a lot of you will know how hard its been for me to cope with that.

I last saw my son (who is now 6 years old) a year ago, when he spent two Sundays with me, then I never saw him until yesterday when we got to see each other again. I collected him at 9.15am and dropped him off home at 5.30pm with the intervening time spent playing together with his cars, or my PS2!

It was a very good day. I feel a LOT happier today than I have been in some time.

I hope that sometime in the future I may get to see my daughter too, its been 3 years since I last saw her. I sincerely hope that it doesn't go another 3 years until I see her again.

Frown Jewels

2006-06-26T19:44:00.000Z

Apologies to all my thousands of readers for my absense recently. I've been trying to find a life. I've given up on that one again, so you'll be pleased to know that I'm back.

I've been very upset of late. There are lots of things that should not happen in this world, but still do. For example, more and more people being killed in senseless attacks in the Middle East, rising fuel prices and children across the country that are being denied access to their fathers (I won't go into that one here). These things make me sad, but nothing has upset me like this next point has...

Jewel Staite playing a Wraith in Stargate Atlantis.
We're talking about Kaylee from Firefly/Serenity here. It's just WRONG! She can't be Wraith, she's too lovely and gorgeous to be a life sucking alien. I sat through the entire 40 minute episode with my head in my hands muttering "Nooo, this can't be happening" to myself. Why are they doing this to me? I love Kaylee, she's my dream woman. If Simon (in the series) or her husband (grrr, in real life) hadn't got to her first, she'd be mine. Maybe. It's just like when you found out that Father Christmas was actually your parents, you had been lulled into a false sense of security. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'm never going to get over this.

Overpaid morons

2006-05-30T19:53:00.000Z

It's now the 30th May and the damned world cup hasn't even started yet, but I am now completely and utterly sick of football. My father is sitting watching a 'friendly' game as I sit here typing. I am unsure exactly what a 'friendly' entails, but I expect it still involves all the swearing and violence that is usually associated with football.
People complain that 'Top Gun' had homo-erotic overtones, but have they ever watched a game of football on tv? If you want to watch a bunch of grown men hugging and kissing each other, forget renting gay porn, watch some football instead. I find it worrying that so many 'straight' men not only pay money to watch this but spend most of their lives obsessing about it! Give me female topless boxing anyday.
But my main gripe at the moment is that I can't get away from it. Everywhere I go I see England flags being 'patriotically' displayed on cars, houses and shops. Its even on every single product that I buy, the pasty I had for dinner tonight for instance. Is shoving a footaball themed competition on a Cornwall based food product actually going to help the English team win anything? Besides, the players don't really do much actual work, they spend most of their time wondering what to do with the vast amounts of cash that gets deposited in their bank accounts. I mean it must be hard after spending 90 minutes running around on some grass chasing a small white ball which they have to kick into an ENORMOUS net, but fail because they seem to possess less accuracy than an Imperial Stormtrooper.
But lets end this with a little comparison - Footballers to Formula 1 drivers. F1 drivers have to be fit, really, really, amazingly fit, because of the physical strain of driving a racing car at speeds topping 200mph and pulling massive G's as they corner or brake. Their concentration has to be 100% for the entire duration of the race, which can last up to 2 hours. If their concentration slips, then they run the risk of loosing control of the car at high speed, and dying in a huge fireball, maybe taking other drivers, marshals or spectators with them. Footballers have to run around a field in some shorts kicking a ball. They would never survive a race, God help them if they had an accident! I've seen drivers spectacularly demolish their race cars, leaving nothing but the monocoque, then get out of the wreckage, tuck the seat under their arm and run back to the pits to jump into the spare car. All footballers ever do is fall over on the pitch, stopping the game and clutch their legs for a couple of minutes before getting up again because they have decided that they are obviously okay now. Why are the two so different? Because racing drivers are finely tuned athletes and footballers are overpaid morons.

'D' Day

2006-05-11T22:29:00.000Z

This is a continuation from a post by good friend Neath over at 'worldcalledcatastrophe', he had to choose ten words starting with the letter G. And did so successfully. I therefore took up his challenge and was granted the letter D. Here goes...
DVDs. Something I really am horribly addicted to and own far too many of (400+ now...). Note to self: must cut down
Drums. Used to play them in a college band called "Sounds From the Basement'. We were huge...although that may be a slight exaggeration.
Dad. Without whom I would now be homeless.
Divorce. One thing that has probably shaped my life more than I care to admit, also probably one of the worst times of my life. But it was an important event in my existence, and something I have learnt a lot from.
Dating. Not been terribly successful after the previous D word. I was even stood-up on my last attempt, so my efforts in that direction have dwindled somewhat.
Daredevil. Absolutely my favourite comic book character ever. There's just something about "the man without fear'. Also proved in the movie adaption of the character that Ben Affleck can indeed act . Who would have thought it? Although "Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo"...indeed.
Design. Corporate stationery, brochures, websites and a legal magazine make up one half of what I do for a living.
Drawing. Ah, the other half. Comic books coming soon...probably
Dusting. I should do this more often, one of my bad habits. So, be warned Minerva!
Dictionary. Without which, this list would not be possible...and no, thats not cheating.

Going topless

2006-05-03T20:54:00.000Z

The weather here at the moment is warm, in fact its freakishly summertime warm. Good enough reason to drive with the roof down on my car. I drive about a lot without the roof on, though more when the outside temperature goes vaguely above freezing.
I had a brilliant drive home from work tonight, sun beaming down with the wind in my hair (while I still have some), great fun. So can someone please explain to me why I passed several people driving convertible cars with their roof up? What is the point of buying a vehicle that allows you to drive around without the roof on if you aren't going to use it? Thats like buying a recordable DVD player and then refusing to record anything on it. If they dont intend to drive with roof down when its 70 degrees out, when are they going to? What is wrong with these people?!

2 Blue Chicks and an Octopus

2006-04-26T21:47:00.000Z

Being the geeky sort that I am, I just watched the movie 'Serenity' again tonight for the umpteenth time. This time however I stumbled upon the Easter Egg hidden on the main menu. I normally love those, they're always full of exciting little tidbits about the making of the movie, but not this one. Said 'egg' consisted of a short interview with Joss Whedon explaining the influence and creation of the "Fruity Oaty Bar' commercial that was put out by the Alliance in the movie to trigger River's brain. Good up to that point, but then it plays the whole damn advert in glorious widescreen and stereo. Its the most infectious jingle I have ever had the misfortune to hear and now I can't get the damn tune out of head. No wonder it drove her beserk. I'm sure it wasn't voices she heard in her mind on Miranda, it was the commercial repeating over and over...
Aarrgghh, make it stop!

Hassles and Haggles

2006-04-18T19:34:00.000Z

I finally got fed up of waiting and phoned Autoglass this morning. I was assured that the piece of glass was expected at lunchtime and I would definitely have my car back today. They would call me as soon as it was completed. So I waited, had some lunch, then waited some more. Rotted my brain with my Xbox for a few hours, and was still waiting. Gritting my teeth, I called them at 5.30pm. "What car?, oh yes...thats all done and ready for you to collect" How long had it been finished? I have no idea. Were they going to phone me to tell me about it? Doubtful.

However, there is a positive side to this tale. I was first quoted £377 for the repair, but then I was given a 'discount' for taking the car to them and leaving it with them to work on, which dropped the price to £222. On my arrival at the garage I was presented with an invoice for £240. Which I refused to pay, stating that it wasn't the price I was quoted. Ok, it was only an £18 difference, but £18 is £18 after all. The guy frowned at me, frowned at the invoice for a while, then spent the next 10 minutes muttering to himself and frowning at the computer. Eventually he thrust a new invoice into my hands for £149. I decided that I shouldn't argue any further, and agreed to pay. I must admit, I was quite surprised at the staggering drop of £228 in just a few days.So, if you want my advice, always haggle, it seems to work.

The extent of my loss

2006-04-17T13:11:00.000Z

Its taken me a few day to work out what was stolen from my car. I was laying in my bed thinking about it last night as sleep was eluding me, it was 'David Bowie - Changes' and an empty case for "Fleetwood Mac - Tango in the Night' (because the disc was in the player). They must have been so disappointed with their ill-gotten gains. Not exactly a selection from the Chav's top ten. Serves them right I feel.

So if anyone you know suddenly has either of those in their collection, grab 'em back for me, or I'm going to have to buy the damned things again.

Still waiting to hear from Autoglass. Am I ever going to get my car back?

Low-life piece of human sputum

2006-04-16T16:57:00.000Z

Good title to start with I thought, and also entirely to the point.

People love different things, their partners, their families, their friends, whatever...we're all different. I however, love my car. We've only had a short time together, and soon it will be taken from me as the lease company will inevitably want it back again, but I have bonded with it in a deep psychological way. Shallow it may be, but its the effect its had on me. I take good care of my baby, and she never lets me down. Its like dating Lara Croft, she's beautiful, clever, nimble and agile, but with an air of sophistication. I get upset if someone looks at my car the wrong way, I get edgy if someone wanders to close to it. That is how much I love my car.

Why is this post called "Low-life piece of human sputum"? Because some 'person' (and I use the term loosely) decided to break into my car, by throwing a large stone through the near-side passenger window shattering the pane into a couple of thousand pieces. I had to sweep little square pieces of glass that cover the floor and seats off, just so I could drive the vehicle home. To exacerbate the situation it was also pouring, the raindrops heavily soaking the car's interior.

I, of course got straight on the phone to Autoglass to get it repaired. Did they have the glass in stock? Did they bugger. "It's rather specialised" I was cheerfully informed. The 'specialised' cost of one pane of glass...£250. "Ah", you cry,"that will be covered by your insurance"...it is, but Autoglass don't deal with my insurance company direct, so I have to pay and then try and claim it back after. These things are never straight forward.

So why have I been caused this agony and inconvenience? I must have had something pretty damned impressive in the car to warrant stealing it , right? Absolutely...they stole two CDs, with an estimated street value of a fiver.

How pathetic is that?